Caught Naked and Out of Control

He said, “I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid.” Gen 3:10
Then Job answered the  Lord  and said:    “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. Job 42:1-2

CAUGHT NAKED AND OUT OF CONTROL

I didn’t ease into the chair, I kind of stumbled and plopped. I was nervous. I was concerned. I really didn’t want to be here.  A week ago, I missed the appointment “accidentally”….or was it on purpose?

She took my blood pressure and handed me a release.  A few minutes later, he walked into the room and began to explain how I would feel and how long it would take. I nervously agreed and he lowered the small mask covering only my nose and asked me to breath normal through my nose.

Immediately, my heart began to race, my breathing became shallow and anxiety swept over me…

No, I can’t do this, my mind thought, I get claustrophobic and I hate being out of control.

No, just relax, my other voice told me. It is ok to trust the dentist and his assistant. Allow yourself to relax. Listen to the music and just relax.

Slowly I was able to calm down and relax as the nitrous gas started to take effect. For some reason, I thought of my friend Jerry who is an artist and can think in 3D full color images.  I wondered if I could think in full color while under the influence of the gas.

Then came the needle, the Novocain, the numbing of the left side of my face.  I began to lose control of my tongue, and then my lip, and my left cheek. I hate this feeling, I thought.

As the drill screamed, the themes to Transformers & Pirates of the Caribbean blared in my ears. I didn’t have images of the movies racing through my head…I can’t remember movies. All I heard was the music as I tried to visualize the instruments that created the music.

Bang…again, a wave of anxiety…I can’t tell what they are doing. Is there drool running down my face? Can they see the bald spot on the top of my head? I can’t see what they see, I can't do anything about it.  I am not in control.

Brian, you are too tightly wound. Calm down and trust the dentist and his assistant, suggested the other voice in my head.

But, what if they see something they don’t like?  Worse yet….what if they see something I don’t like about myself? Again, a flood of anxiety.

And then it happens, “You're living from a place of self control” God says.  “Your greatest fear is being caught naked.” He continues. 

I don’t want to give up control.  I don’t want my ugly parts to be seen.  I don’t want to believe that You love me with all my imperfections, bad habits and power hungry self centered control of my life, my mind screams.

But the Nitrous Oxide gas won’t let me be in control. I relax as I trust the dentist and his assistant to continue with their high pitched drills, their poking, tugging, sucking and the wiping of my slobber as it drools down my face.  I have been caught naked and out of control.